“That nigga”
Song of the Week
To be a woman, a girl, living amongst black men, there’s a oneness that receives too little attention. We live lives that are the same but in different fonts. The idea of liberty oozing from a young black man with no shirt on, pants sagging, being boastful and proud is an artwork that I’ve only grown to appreciate in my twenties. It takes a lot to constantly present yourself as you in a world where you are weaponized. It took me only a few gazes to understand why, as a black girl, I crave to be somewhere in these pictures posing as they are, snarling as they are, existing as they are… There is a liberty in the young black man who dares to show himself in his most relaxed form that’s free from societal constraints. Who better to be the face of a movement based on confidence and self-acceptance than a young black man from the hood? The picture with Kendrick stands out to me more than the others. You have a man with a Pulitzer Prize who is shirtless and taking a bottle to the head, surrounded by young men flaunting money. These are images that put fear in people…that put fear in our parents. Because these images are perceived as detrimental to men, and it shouldn’t be. There’s no space, duality, and comfort in the eyes of others. There is a liberty, way bolder than the lady, that makes a statement about the disregard for white and even sometimes black approval. “‘Cuz we ghetto fabulous.” He’s a success and a well-respected man that’s still a hood nigga. I’m still a hood nigga.
Within the fight for my own self acceptance and the freeing of myself from outside opinions, I find that I become lost in pictures like these because they exude a courage that I envy. I don’t want to be a part of these pictures and be dainty as my gender. I want to be that of the image of a man who looks like all the ignorance you can imagine in one person, an oxymoron: the educated hood nigga or the smart hood nigga. I want to be a part of these stills because they speak to me in ways only a black man can. Judge me for who I’m not, but how I pose.
To be aware of the stereotypes and not avoid them, because they know that they’ll be judged no matter what. You could be the most important man of the United States and still cause scandal because of the color of your suit.
We as people know that there is no honor in lessening ourselves for other race acceptance. But it’s still a struggle with that from within. You’ll always be a nigga. So be that nigga that you are.
One of my own internal fights has to do with me wanting to be perceived as masculine as well as feminine (fa’afatama, a Samoan term that’s grouped with the idea of a third or fourth gender which means one who is assigned female at birth but aligns more with masculine gender roles OR one who balances both (me)) I’ve always had a duality about me that graced me with the understanding of gender relations and bigotry unlike the mindset I could’ve had due to ideas I was raised around. I’ve always acknowledged my feminine side; it’s impossible for me not to. I’m a woman, a girl, before I am a tomboy. Yet when I’m dressed in my best tom garb, I feel the most powerful, the most seen. In these pictures I see self love and resistance. I see a perilous fight through the hands of fashion, speech, hair, mannerism, skin…
Kendrick might not want to be the face of this interpretation (he is not my savior), but the duality and rawness of the black man in this form hums too effortlessly from him. The preconceived notions and stereotypes placed on their bodies, they wear with no care, understanding that those words are not of them but a caricature of a man society will never care to understand. I have no desire to be known or to be understood, only to feel liberated now. In that, hopefully, I’ll reach a level of self assurance the world hates that mirrors that of a hood nigga.
…an educated one
*The insertion of the term fa’afatama is done solely to present the idea that more than two genders has always been a thing in different cultures before its uprising in western countries(before colonization), and it’s not entirely linked to one’s sexuality. However, gender is not the main idea of this post so don’t start…
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